Saturday, January 3, 2015

Do or do not. There is no try.

Gotta love that quote. For a fuzzy green muppet, Yoda was a pretty smart guy. :)

Every new year I make resolutions; blogging more, getting the online business in order, getting past roadblocks in my genealogy, writing my cozy mysteries. And every year I fail do any of it. Bragging about all of my big plans seems to just make me feel like a loser when I can't follow through. My results from NaNoWriMo 2014 are a prime example. I committed to 50k words knowing that much writing is beyond my capabilities for now. It'll take more experience as a writer to be that prolific that quickly. I don't intend to quit trying. The blog still needs posts. The stories must be written. Ancestors are waiting to be found. I simply won't make public proclamations about my intentions. Better to do what needs doing than talk it to death. I look forward to reporting my many successes instead.

The first thing I've done is merge my two blogs back into one. Trying to separate business and personal only made it twice as hard to accomplish either. And it made me feel like I was trying to be two different people. My spirituality informs everything in my life, so I don't really need to keep things separate. I only need to be myself and accept that not everyone will agree with my opinions. Second, I managed to survive another holiday season in retail with my sanity intact. The key was to stop letting the day job be so important to my self-worth, to stop letting it occupy so much of my life away from work. I don't plan to be at that job forever, only until I create something better for myself. In the meantime it pays the bills and gives me access to lots of books. My roomie recently helped me realize a way I already express my spirituality without even knowing. I have ancestor magick. Not in the aspect of literally speaking with the dead but through my genealogy. I've been working on improving my affinity for finding lost family hidden in historical records and honoring them properly. Goddess helps me in unexpected ways, such as the aforementioned access to books. Just last week we got in this book I can't wait to read. "Discovering more about our forebears and identifying inherited traits can help us realise our potential and assist us in overcoming obstacles that may be holding us back. As we learn about our ancestors, we can reclaim who we are, discover our creativity, and find our true soul path." This sounds absolutely fascinating and right up my alley. It was my need to connect with someone like myself (and a huge album of old family photos with names and dates) that started the search for my roots. It would be even better to connect on a spiritual level, to feel a connection beyond names, dates, and locations. Why do I feel an immediate connection to my maternal great-grandmother? Do we have more in common than basic genetics? Why don't I sense any real connection to my paternal line?

Okay, enough for tonight. I'll be back when I have progress to report. Or something important I need to share or vent. You never know what the day holds.