Sunday, June 9, 2013

Letting

Me hiding behind my cat, Willow
I've read several blogs recently that talk about letting go of negative things in order to make room for the positive. I realized my problem isn't so much getting rid of problems. It is allowing myself the positive. So for this blog post, L is for Letting, as in:
  • Letting myself make mistakes. I am so hard on myself. If a drawing or a story doesn't start out perfect, if I can't get it right the first time, I assume no one wants to see it. Technically this is getting rid of self-doubt, but it feels different in allowing myself to try, no matter the outcome.
  • Letting others in. I have such a huge fear of rejection that I rarely let anyone know the real me. I always keep important parts of myself hidden. All this gets me is a feeling of extreme loneliness.
  • Letting me just be me. I generally feel like I don't measure up to what I should be like, how I should look. Naturally the constant media push for all women to look like a plastic doll with the perfect, unattainable proportions doesn't help. Nor does the long line of thin, attractive family members. I need to learn that my size and lack of fashionable wardrobe is okay for me.
  • Letting magick be my way of life. I work the occasional spell on holidays or moon phases, but I haven't explored all the possibilities, found the Pagan way that just makes magick natural, something that simply is without having to over think things. I haven't allowed this as yet for fear; of doing it "wrong," of making issues worse instead of better, of admitting that I feel like a huge fake.
Fear, in some shape or form, is a big factor in pretty much everything I do. So it seems that I really must allow the fears and learn how to get past them, how to be brave enough to acknowledge them as part of the process of growth.