Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Time got away from me again

It never ceases to amaze me how I make plans, try to create a routine, and time throws all my plans out a window. I had big plans to post a new design every week on my store to keep it fresh, make it easier to find in searches. I still have about three designs completed and ready to go. It's a simple matter of squeezing enough minutes into my day to do that and everything else. Unfortunately, that won't be today. Not until I clear my plate of a few more things. And get rid of a stubborn cold (or allergies or whatever it is). After I get the new design up, which takes more time than some might realize (You know what I'm talking about, right Ghost?), I will get my website updated. That needs to be a bigger priority than even new designs. If I can get people to my site, then they find my CafePress store and ALL of my designs. Keeping the store fresh helps someone find one of my designs. I want them all to be seen. :) I'm kind of greedy that way.

In the meantime, I've been reading a book suggested by a friend "I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was". I've only gotten through the first chapter so far. But it is a great start because it helps me to pinpoint when I stopped thinking about what I want and tried to do what others wanted me to do. The first chapter is called "What are you supposed to be doing?" As in, what does your family and friends think is right for you. In reading it, I realized I am basically doing what was expected of me. Nothing.

Growing up, I was expected to go to school, get decent grades, and that was about it. Plans for the future were never discussed. Not that talking ever really happened at my house.Hell, I never even got "the talk". Now, when I talk to family, it isn't about what I could be doing, but what I'm doing wrong.

"You're too smart to still be in retail." Ok, so what should I do instead? They say to get a job in the field I went to college for, but guess what? There are no entry-level jobs in my field unless I live in India. And I don't even know that graphic design will be anything more than a hobby or side business. I'm certainly not passionate about it. Unless I'm designing my Supernatural website. :D

I'm too fat, too plain-looking, and too single. But I never learned to do anything but exist. So yeah, that's what I do. One thing I did get from my family is the ability to have big ideas that I never do anything about. We are big on dreaming with no follow through. It is something I am working on (along with a bucket load of self-doubt; hmm, wonder where that came from?), but it will take time. And finding the thing that makes me happy.